06.12.23 Adventures in Downsizing

A carload - off to The Real Real - June 2022

Let's sell the big house...

April 2022:  

I reached out to a friend and neighbor who is a realtor, and we had a serious conversation about what it would take.

May 2022:

On the second Saturday of the month I got a phone call from one of my husband's cycling buddies that he'd had a wreck - it was bad - and he was on his way to the ER.

Fast forward through the rest of 2022, which included surgery to repair his broken collarbone, rest, rehabilitation and a wedding.

Spoiler alert: we're still in the big house, and that's okay, really...but there's a lot less stuff.

We haven't abandoned the idea of selling and moving - just the opposite - we talk about it, and what's next - all the time.  When it does happen, whatever we move into is going to be a lot smaller...so we can't take it all with us.

As you read this, 

- Maybe you are like us - still in the big house, with all the things that accumulate over an adult life (especially if you raised a family in a house with multiple rooms, closets and attic space).  

- Maybe you have gone through the painful process of letting go and getting rid of those things that no longer serve you.

- Maybe you are just starting out, and haven't succumbed to all that accumulating.   A piece of advice, you do not need as many things as your parents or grandparents (nor are you obligated to keep their things if you don't want them).

Once something finds its way into your life and home, it is likely to stay there...for lots of reasons.

Not once have I regretted this upgrade

There are the essential things - pots, pans, utensils, dishes, furniture, appliances - that most of us find necessary for human existence.  These were some of the first things we upgraded in the early months of the pandemic because we were going to be in our house all the time.

Essential thing I did not upgrade - clothes - until it was almost time for the wedding and I did not want to meet my daughter in law's family in the ratty tee shirts and yoga pants I'd been wearing for two and a half years.

There are the extra things - I count jewelry among those - and it's different for everyone.  These are the things that really do make life better, they bring you joy when you see them, or hold them, or use them in some way.  They are not, by definition, expensive but they do take up space.

Then, there are the things you know you should get rid of...but that's a chore you just don't want to tackle today.

We have way too much in our house that falls into that last category, and the problem is compounded by not knowing that to do with it.  

- Clothes (unlike my pandemic wardrobe) that still have life in them, but having been hanging in the closet unworn for multiple seasons.  

- Gifts given with the best intentions - and for which you or your child wrote a thank you note - that went promptly into a cabinet and haven't seen the light of day in years. 

- Books from college, graduate school, and the book club that dissolved ten years ago.

What I am supposed to do with all this stuff!?

Well, it turns out there's an entire industry that has evolved because people figured out that putting things into the garbage and landfills is a really bad idea; and to those people - the ones who do it for free, like buy nothing groups, and those who see it as a profitable opportunity - I say thank you.

My absolute favorite place to take donations is Austin Creative Reuse.  They take so many different kinds of things and give them new life.  I know this because so many of my maker friends shop there first, before going to traditional retail outlets.  The staff is amazing, too - I've taken carloads to them (I made appointments and they met me at their loading dock) and as they helped unpack my CRV filled to the brim with things that were a burden to me, they saw potential; their enthusiasm is truly heartwarming.

For higher end items - especially shoes and handbags (of which I acquired entirely too many over the past three decades) - I have had nothing but good experiences with The Real Real.  

Over the past year I've received several hundred dollars in commissions, and because the point was never to buy more stuff, I made the decision to donate the proceeds each month.  So far I've donated to the Lilith Fund, Planned Parenthood, Lamba Legal and the ACLU while simultaneously making room in my closet.

Then, there's the service I pay for...Ridwell.  

We were out with friends early in the year talking about our adventures in downsizing, one of them mentioned they had started using Ridwell, and offered us a free one month trial.  

It is, without question, worth the $12 per month to have them come to your door and pick up things that you really can't take anywhere else.  Old electronics, empty inkjet cartridges, clothes that are too worn to be donated - they take all of it - and work with organizations to ensure none of it ends up in the buried in a landfill or floating in the ocean.

And last, at least for this post, sometimes you find a bonus as you are letting go of things...in handbags that went to consignment resellers, I found some cash and a full punch card from Jo's coffee, which I used for a free Iced Turbo to keep me going and I drove to the post office and UPS to send those bags on to their next life.

Until next time.

05.15.23 The next chapter

They took my gallbladder and gave me socks

Last month I turned 60...and for the last 21 years I've wondered what it would be like when I became the age my mom was when she died in 2002.

There's a whole lot wrapped up in that...especially after a trip to the ER and a few nights in the hospital for emergency gallbladder surgery at 59 and 11 months.  It undid me more than a little. 

Fortunately, I'm headed for a full recovery, and except for losing a few weeks in the process, it appears I am going to be no worse for the wear.

As for being 60, here's what I can tell you so far...

Mom - in her late 50's

I look more like my mom than I ever expected to (I always thought I looked like my Dad)…I regularly catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror, or even a reflection in a window, and there she is looking back at me.

I'm healthy (gallbladder aside, I am in good health - or so my doctors tell me); I eat well, I exercise regularly...and while there are no guarantees, I don't expect this to be my last year...

…so, I'm trying to figure out who I want to be for the rest of my life. 

Covid changed all of us - but it's much more than that - and the transition started before the pandemic.  

In 2019, purely by coincidence, I closed my consulting firm (anticipating more travel and time in the jewelry studio...oh, well). 

It's been nine years since I was a full time parent - our youngest child left home in September 2014, leaving me lots of free time to start a blog and learn to make jewelry; and ten years since I was a daughter (my dad died just before my 50th birthday).

Life was going to be different; I was going to be different.  I just didn't know how...but I'm starting to get the idea...

The pandemic brought a lot of darkness, but it's also given me an extraordinary amount of clarity. 

I won't allow my time to be wasted. I no longer have patience for anyone who doesn't value my time, and I want to devote that time to things and people that matter. 

I've re-engaged with politics, but in a much more positive way.  Instead of writing angry Resistbots to my Senators who have no interest in my thoughts, I've been writing Postcards to Voters - over 1,500 of them - since I started in January of 2020.

I've continued volunteering and mentoring - much of it virtually - while things were really locked down.  It's been wonderful to grow and sustain those connections now that we can do things in person again.

I've also figured out what - beyond my family and friends - brings me joy.

Texas Farmers Market haul including flowers from Petal's Ink

Flowers bring me joy - I love having them in the house, especially knowing that every week when I have them delivered I am supporting a small, woman owned business. 

Cooking and baking bring me joy, again - before Covid, I'd pretty much given up (after doing it on a schedule for twenty years) - helps, too, that I'm shopping at the farmers market and have significantly upgraded my kitchen equipment.

With my friend Alaine at a recent WJA event
both wearing our Social Justice earrings

Even though I'm not making it right now, jewelry brings me lots of joy...so much so, that I am still a relatively active member of the Women's Jewelry Association in Austin...and of course, I keep buying it.

I didn't know what I would find when I started my journey down the jewelry path...it has turned out to be so much more than just shiny things.  I found a creative outlet - both at the bench and on this blog, incredible new friends, and with one of those friends made my children's wedding rings.

I don't know what else I'll be doing - but I'm looking forward to making, buying, wearing and writing about life and jewelry for the foreseeable future.

Until next time. 

04.10.23 I love diamonds...even, or maybe especially, tiny ones.

I sometimes wish I could be one of those people who eschews the material world...

I definitely don't need ALL THE THINGS, in fact over the last year I'm proud to say I've gotten rid of a lot of stuff.

Lost wax pendant before the diamonds were set

I don't even need MOST of the things...but I do love the shiny things...and I have a special weakness for tiny diamonds.

Eight years ago, when I started on my creative journey with jewelry I signed up for a lost wax casting class, and my design included tiny diamonds that were left over from resetting jewelry from my Mom and grandmothers.

I went in thinking I could simply cast the stones in place - but turns out, that's a little complicated for a beginner (however, my friend Zanny who is a a very experienced jeweler does beautiful cast in place pieces) - so I simply made the pendant and set the stones later.

Pieces Jewelry by Cari and Corey Egan

The three diamonds in the pendant represent my children, and the idea that even though we aren't together as often as I would like when we look up, we all see the same moon and stars.  I wear that pendant a lot, and recently I've been pairing it with my family charm necklace and a great new pair of earrings.

The silver earrings are actually the second pair of this design that I purchased from Berkeley based jeweler, Corey Egan.  I bought a gold pair last summer to wear to our son's wedding.  I loved them, but realized I just don't wear yellow gold very often...so I splurged and bought them twice!

I hemmed and hawed before I bought them - I mean I have other pairs of earrings with tiny diamonds. My husband asked why I will still pining for them, rolled his eyes and said "just order them already", so I did...and I've been wearing them almost daily every since.  They were the only earrings I took with me on our trip to DC last month.

Charms from Bamboo Jewelry, SJVI

Another current favorite necklace - which I mentioned in my first post of the year - checks two important boxes for me when I'm buying jewelry...it is a souvenir (of my great trip to St. Thomas and returning to travel) and it has tiny diamonds.

It was love at first sight for the "Eye of the Hurricane" pendant in Bamboo Jewelry's beautiful studio in St. John - and I couldn't resist the double entendre, pairing it with their "KEEP LEFT" charm.  It was the tiny blue diamond that did it for me - because it looks like a blue wave - and my friends loved that I had found a souvenir that made a political statement, too.

Then late last year, just before I was planning three trips in three months, Bamboo posted some new charms, including the compass rose...which I added to my necklace, with a tiny diamond.

Yellow gold Corey Egan earrings,

and my new Elisa Solomon charm

There's a reason they call it "retail therapy"...at least for me, buying something that I know I'll enjoy wearing because it brings back happy memories, makes me feel better.  When the need to shop strikes, I try to seek small, women owned business to support, because that makes me feel good, too.

If you follow me on Instagram, then you know that I very recently acquired another special piece with tiny diamonds from Elisa Solomon...and when I shared, I promised you a blog post - so, promise kept.

Until next time.

03.06.23 A Covid Unicorn No More

February 28, 2020...

Dinner on the outdoor patio at Chuy's in North Austin - not to be safe, but because here in Texas we often have gorgeous weather in February (we also have terrible weather, but that was not the case three years ago) - with my niece, an emergency room medical professional who was at the time based in Seattle.  

She was for the weekend here on business. My husband and I took her to dinner on Friday evening before her meetings on Saturday and Sunday. As we caught up over chips, queso, and their famous jalapeño ranch dip, her phone blew up.  Her colleagues in the Pacific Northwest were seeing reports of a strange respiratory virus in the ER, and said she would need to come back to work pretty much the moment she landed.

Covid positive - February 23, 2023

That evening was the first time I ever heard about the SARS-CoV-2 coronavirus.  Here we are, three years later - almost to the day - and I am no longer a Covid unicorn.

As I have previously noted, while this started as a jewelry blog it has evolved over the past eight years; because it's mine I can and will write about other things including policy and social issues if I want to...and that's what I'm doing here.

Before I launch into my tirade...

I want to express my gratitude to every single person working - now and from the beginning - in the fight to protect us from this disease, many of them before I ever heard of it.  

Thanks to those people I am vaccinated (a total of 5 doses, because I'm over 50), taking Paxlovid to shorten both the duration of the virus and - fingers crossed - prevent any long-term adverse effects.

For three years, I managed to avoid catching Covid.  I know this definitively because I participated in the Texas Cares antibody study, and as of my blood draw last October, my fourth, I had no infection antibodies.

We (my husband, immediate family, and close friends) have been careful - I mean VERY careful - from the beginning because I have some underlying health conditions (which are well controlled with diet, exercise, and medication) that put me at higher risk of long term disability or dying if I contract the virus.

Dec 1, 2021 - wearing my Livinguard mask -
waiting to board my flight to St. Thomas

When medical professionals advised wearing masks, I started wearing one...when they advised wearing better masks, I got some - and I'M STILL WEARING THEM.  When vaccines became available, I got one, then I made sure to get boosted (so did folks around me - I know because I asked before spending time with them). 

When our daughter came home from grad school during the first fall of the pandemic - before vaccines - she got a PCR test before she traveled, then waited five days before getting another one at a drive through testing site in Austin, to make sure she was negative. In between those tests we wore masks in the house, ate separately or outside, and kept our distance.

For my first foray back into the big wide world at the end of 2021, I got a PCR test before heading to St. Thomas with my girlfriends (because a negative test was required to enter the USVI). When I returned home, I followed the same protocol - despite being vaccinated and boosted - until I had a negative test.

As soon as they were available, we ordered our at home test kits - first from Amazon and then from the Post Office (thanks, Joe Biden), continued to wear our masks, and started get back out into the real world.  We had Thanksgiving with our kids, we went to DC to make wedding plans...and then later to celebrate, I went on another girls' trip, my husband returned to doing group bike rides and our daughter attended professional conferences and her (now) sister-in-law's bridal shower weekend.

The three of us were all Covid unicorns until December; our daughter got caught up in the Southwest snow storm debacle and was stranded in LA airports for two and a half days. Despite taking every precaution, she was around too many people in concentrated spaces for too long, and popped positive a few days after finally getting back to her home by train (she never did make it to our house over winter break).

Sad, but not surprising...she was around a lot of random people, and as we all know entirely too many Americans think the pandemic is over.  She took Paxlovid, slowly got back to living her normal life, and seems to have avoided any long term consequences.  We haven't seen her since Thanksgiving - which makes me mad, but not blog post mad - hopefully we'll be able to get her home to Austin for a few days soon.

Xiao Qi Ji in his yard, enjoying a treat,
on a particularly nice February day

Just last month, my husband and I went to DC again to see our other two children and attend a very special 4th birthday party...one that has been on hold since our pre-Covid visit to DC in February of 2020.

As I said earlier, we've been careful since the pandemic began, but we made a point of being extra careful the couple of weeks before our trip.  We tested before we left, we masked in the airport, on the plane and metro, made a point of doing most of our sight seeing outside - we had a great day at the National Zoo - and an absolutely lovely long weekend.

We came home and tested negative (and as far as I know, so did everyone we were with over those five days...including at the 4 year old birthday party). Yay for being vaccinated and careful, and returning to a little bit of normal.

Here's why I'm blog post mad...

a week later, both my husband and I got sick, canceled plans and isolated...and I'm pissed as hell.  

We tested when we got home both because it's the responsible thing to do and because he had committed to making a trip to help a family member the weekend after our return.  

We failed to heed the wisdom (paraphrased here) of Thomas Aquinas that no good deed goes unpunished.

It was a very short trip...he was there less than 24 hours, and that was all it took for him to be exposed.

@NewYorkerCartoons on Instagram

We should have known.  The relatives in question live in a very red part of the state heavily populated by Covid deniers, and they have been incredibly careless about protecting themselves.  We're not sure which one of them got it first - not that it really matters - and we wouldn't have known except that one of them ended up in the ER.

We care about these people - they are our family; they both have autoimmune conditions and take immunosuppressing medications.  We have ordered tests for them from the post offices, and masks from the same place we ordered ours.  We have pleaded with them to be careful and protect themselves...and they did not...so now, we have all been sick, and I am angry.

Fortunately we my husband and I were prescribed Paxlovid and have tested negative again...now we wait to see if we have long Covid symptoms.

Covid doesn't care if you live in a nice house. Covid doesn't care if you believe in God. Covid doesn't care about your political views, what kind of car you drive, whether you have a college education, or anything else that makes you privileged. Covid is an equal opportunity virus...and it's not going away.

I still wear a mask when I go inside the Post Office or UPS store, to get a haircut or into the credit union - anyplace where someone I don't know might be standing next to me - I get a lot of side eye...and I don't give a you know what...(I'd swear, but this is a family blog).

I hope I make a full recovery, it's going to take a while to know..and I'll keep wearing my mask, getting my boosters, and writing about whatever I want.

Until next time.

02.16.23 Forging Ahead

About those rings...

since we saw the kids in DC last weekend - our first trip back since the fall - I figured today would be a good time to post.

The wedding was absolutely the highlight - and in many ways the saving grace - of 2022.

Our son and daughter in law worked so hard to make sure everyone had a part - and by the end of the week we were all one big family - 

although most of us had never met before.

Not quite a year ago (March 2022), we went to DC to visit and start planning the big event; standing on the balcony of the wedding venue, they asked me to make their wedding rings.  

In hindsight I don't know why I hesitated - even for a moment - because it was so much fun; and now a piece of me (and my heart) is with them every day.

I reached out to my friend and teacher, De Pastel, and we set up a schedule to work together on the rings.  I also gave the kids some assignments...go try on some rings, see what they liked, and to get their ring sizes.

We were supposed to travel early in the summer, to meet our son's future in-laws and while we were there I was going to get an impression of the engagement ring to make sure that when I made my daughter in law's wedding band, it would be a perfect fit.  

The trip never happened, so I sent instructions and the thermoplastic to DC without me, and the US mail took care of getting it back and forth.

With the size information and their metal choices - 14 K gold, yellow for him, palladium white for her - De and I got to work.

The rings were made through a process called forging - basically beating the metal into submission. I started with ring stock - 2 mm half round for her ring, and 6 mm comfort fit for his - which, with De's guidance, I carefully measured and cut to the appropriate length.

We started with the smaller, easier ring - shaping it on a mandrel, heating it when it became work hardened, and hammering and heating again, until it began to form a circle.

The next step was to make the ends meet. The first one went pretty quickly, but I'll admit, that my arms were sore at the end of the day because it was a whole lot of work to bend a piece of solid gold 6 mm wire.

Despite being tired, I was very satisfied that after a few hours at De's bench. With her instruction and supervision, what I had in front of me was beginning to look a lot like a pair of wedding bands.

Clearly - they weren't finished - but there was no question left in my mind that I was going to have them done in plenty of time for the wedding.

Everything about making the rings brought me joy.  

Being back at a bench, with tools in my hands, time with De (including a couple of wonderful P. Terry's lunches during our sessions), and knowing that once they put them on, my kids would wear them out into the world as symbols of their love and commitment.

I went back to De's studio for a second day to finish the work.  At the end of the first day, the bands were round-ish...but "ish" was not what we were going for...the goal was perfection.  De's years of experience and eagle eye were invaluable as I continued to shape and size the rings before cleaning and polishing them.

I'm not sure I've ever been more proud of my work - there were no uneven edges, no seams or even tiny specks of solder visible - just continuous, shiny, gold rings.

I sent pictures, but the kids didn't actually see the rings until just a couple of days before the wedding.  Fortunately, they had been very good about getting their hands sized properly, and we were very careful in our measurement.

The result - perfect fits on both bands!

While the rings were for them, the process was a gift for me.  Time at the bench and with De reminded me how much joy there is in making things...

...especially when those things are special, one of a kind pieces of jewelry (inspired by the one of a kind people they were made for).

The only thing better than visits with my kids...is seeing the rings on their hands when I do.

Until next time.

01.09.23 Now where were we?

When I made my last post almost exactly 7 months ago - and I had really high hopes for 2022 - but the universe decided otherwise.

Less than a week after that post, my husband had a horrible bike crash (from which, I am very happy to say, he is fully recovered) - everything on the calendar for the next few months was canceled and replaced with doctors visits, surgery and physical therapy.

Instead of the things we had planned on, I spent the summer trying to stay as productive and positive as possible.  

I took a lot of yoga - I mean a whole lot.  Over and over, my yoga instructors reminded me that it is important to let go of things that are not serving me...negative thoughts, unreasonable expectations, and I took the opportunity because I had the time, to carry that over into my physical life. 

After 25 years in the same house, we had too much stuff...in the backs of closets, cabinets, drawers...and it was time to let a lot of it go.

I discovered The Real Real - and they were all too happy to take the embarrassingly large cache of high end bags, shoes and clothing that had been languishing in my closets.

Not only did these things go to new homes, but I was able to make some nice donations to organizations I support with the proceeds.

Other things went to the local assistance league, and to a wonderful place called Austin Creative Reuse; happily, very little actually went into the trash.  Not surprisingly, I began to feel lighter - emotionally - with each carload I took away.

Things began to return to a semblance of normal in September when our son and his longtime partner got married - yes, I did make the rings - and I promise to post about the process soon.

We had a wonderful week in DC - eating, drinking and celebrating with our now combined families.  

In October, my group of high school girlfriends (the "Ciao Bellas") got together again in Charlottesville for another fabulous long weekend.  

The only way to describe it is to say - it restored my soul.  We ate and drank, laughed and cried, read Tarot cards and set a date for 2023.

The rings were the only jewelry I made in 2022 (an improvement, since I spent no time at a bench in 2021), but I did acquire a couple of special pieces - souvenirs - for my two fall trips.

The first was a pair of earrings from Berkeley jewelry artist Corey Egan.  I discovered her work when our daughter headed to the Bay Area, and I've wanted one of her pieces ever since.  I bought the earrings to wear to the wedding, and have been enjoying them for several months now.

I  also added another charm from Bamboo Studio - a compass rose, one of my favorite symbols - to my Ciao Bella necklace in advance of my October trip.  I bought it to celebrate both a return to traveling (despite some of the canceled plans) and as a reminder to embrace the journey, even when the road is bumpy.

We continued making up for cancelations and lost time in November.  We rented a beach house in Galveston for Thanksgiving - and spent it with all our kids, and my mother in law - making it the third time in 2022 that we were all together.  

The only thing we brought home from this trip was leftover brisket and smoked turkey from Goode Co BBQ, where we picked up Thanksgiving dinner.  It's long gone now - but it sure was tasty.

So, here we are at the start of a new year. As much as I'm ready to put last year behind me...I'm in no rush to make lots of immediate plans for this year...because man plans, and God laughs.  

I am though, setting some goals - and one of this is to return to this blog for my own benefit as much as anyone else's - at least once a month.  

I'm not sure what I'll write about...but I'm determined to come up with something.

Until next time...

05.09.22 I said yes...

This post is very short...because there is a whole lot going on in our lives right now...including, 

just before the new year, our son and his longtime partner became engaged...and we are thrilled!

Earlier this spring, we went to visit them in Washington DC (where they make their home) and had an absolutely wonderful time seeing the venue, helping them with invitations, and just generally making plans.

As we were walking around the beautiful historic park where they will have their ceremony and reception, they popped the question...

Would I make their wedding rings?

It took me by surprise - especially since it's been two years since I sat down at a bench - but after consulting one of my jewelry teachers, who is also a dear friend, I said yes.

We'll be visiting them again soon, and I'll have some tools and thermoplastic with me so that I can take measurements and an impression of my soon to be daughter-in-law's engagement ring to bring back with me.

I'm so honored to have been asked, and excited to be fabricating these very special and important rings.

Progress pictures to come...so stay tuned!

Until next time!